


Moscow to Ånge

by dolphina



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 00:53:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18906193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dolphina/pseuds/dolphina
Summary: When his life in Moscow falls apart, there's only one person Nik wants to see.He gets on a plane the next morning and shows up at the Petterssons' house in Ånge, Sweden.





	Moscow to Ånge

“His parents are absolutely broken-hearted over it. Their only son,” Nik’s mother shakes her head sadly. Nik stares at his plate, not daring look up for fear of what his family might read on his face. 

“It’s disgusting. I don’t understand why anyone would choose to do that to their family,” his father says venomously. Nik risks a glance at his sister Eva. Like him, she hasn’t said anything since their parents brought up the latest neighbourhood scandal.

“Being gay isn’t a choice.” The words leave his mouth before he has a chance to think better of it.

“Of course it’s a choice,” his mother says in a confused tone, as if she hadn’t ever considered that there could be another answer.

“Then why would anyone want to be gay?” 

“Why do people commit any crime? Hanging out with a bad crowd, rebelliousness, or there’s something wrong up here.” Nik’s father taps his forehead with a meaningful look. Nik’s hand clenches around his fork at his father’s words, knuckles turning white. He fights against the simmering rage rising up his throat like bile. He knew this was how they felt, but knowing it and hearing their unbridled hatred for people like him are two different things.

“It isn’t the same,” Nik argues. “It shouldn’t be a crime.” Eva kicks him under the table and catches his eye, shaking her head subtly with a panicked look in her eyes.

“You’ve spent too much time in Canada,” his father snarls. “People there don’t know what’s right because there are no consequences for choosing wrong.” 

“Let’s talk about something else,” Eva pleads. Her request falls on deaf ears.

“Canadians are more accepting because they understand that being gay isn’t wrong, and it. Isn’t. A. Choice!” Nik finally looks up from his plate to meet his father’s furious glare.

“Kolya,” his mother says, a warning in her voice. He ignores her, anger making him reckless.

“If it was a choice, I would have a nice Russian girlfriend my family approves of,” Nik says icily, staring down his father. “But that’s never going to happen, because I’m gay.” His mother flinches and lets out an involuntary whimper, but his father's expression remains hard and cold. 

“Get out of my house,” he barks. His hatred and disgust are palpable.

Slowly, as if in a trance, Nik sets down his fork and stands.

“Why?” his mother gasps, half-sobbing. It isn’t clear whether she’s addressing him or demanding an answer from the cruel universe that created this untenable situation. 

Nik turns to Eva, whose brown eyes are filled with tears. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. 

He leaves, walking slowly through the hall to memorize every detail of the house he grew up in. He looks back with one foot out the door, hoping to catch Eva’s eye one last time, but she’s gone from the table. 

The apartment Nik rented for the summer is dark and empty, a perfect reflection of his mood. He’s been putting off buying a permanent place in Moscow for years with various excuses. The truth is, he never plans to live in Russia for longer than a summer at a time. And, now that he thinks about it, maybe a piece of him knew that there would come a time when he wouldn’t be coming here to visit his family. 

Nik stands in his dark hallway for a few minutes, thinking. Then he grabs his laptop off the kitchen counter and flicks on the living room light. He doesn’t want to be here anymore. Summers in Russia are lonely – it’s always good to see his Russian friends, but the hours he spends with them are a poor substitute for the almost constant company of his teammates in Vancouver. He’s been in Moscow for nearly two months, and the thought of staying for another two is unbearable. 

He buys a plane ticket. In 24 hours, he’ll be in another, hopefully friendlier country, and he isn’t coming back to Moscow until next summer, if at all. With that decided, he curls up in bed with his phone clutched in his hand, hoping for a message from Eva.

***

In the morning, Nik’s phone shows two missed calls from Eva, but no voicemails. He tries calling her but gets no answer. Still, she called, which means she isn’t shutting him out instantaneously like their parents. Losing his parents is painful, but he can’t even imagine life without his sister.

He texts the group he usually trains with to let them know that he’s leaving and doesn’t bother looking at their responses. It doesn’t matter. _If they knew I was gay, they wouldn’t be my friends_ , he thinks. 

Nik’s nearly finished packing when there’s a knock on the door. Tossing the t-shirt he was folding aside, he goes to answer the door. 

“Kolya,” Eva practically throws herself at him, causing him to stumble backwards with the force of her hug. “I love you,” she mumbles against his shoulder with a sniffle. Nik feels part of the dark cloud he’s been trapped in since last night recede at her words. He hasn’t lost his sister, and that is infinitely more important than the opinions of his parents. 

When Eva finally lets him go, it’s to yell at him. “Why?” she demands. “Why would you tell them? You must’ve known how they’d react.” 

Nik shrugs. He honestly doesn’t know what came over him. It was a mixture of anger at his parents and frustration at having to pretend all the time. And perhaps a smidge of insanity.

“I couldn’t sit there and listen to them say such awful things. I hate having to pretend I’m someone I’m not.” 

Eva sighs. “I wish you hadn’t.” 

Nik almost agrees, but something stops him. “I don’t regret it,” he says instead. “I wish it had gone differently but I wasn’t surprised. I would’ve regretted it if you hated me, though.” 

“I could never hate you,” Eva declares fiercely. “You’re my brother, no matter what. And I kind of already knew, anyways.” 

Nik frantically wracks his brain for an incident that could’ve given him away, but comes up with nothing. “You _knew_?”

“I didn’t know, exactly, but I suspected. Don’t look so freaked out, not everyone has magical sibling senses.”

“But what specifically…” The thought of his teammates, or worse, the media, finding out is sickening. 

Eva relents with a dramatic eyeroll. “You never talked about a girlfriend, or girls at all. It had crossed my mind, but I didn’t really start to wonder until this year because I thought maybe you just didn’t want to talk to me about that stuff. But then I started hearing about Elias all the time…” She smirks wickedly, as only little sisters can. “So is he your boyfriend? I’ve been dying to ask.”

“No,” Nik says sharply. He recalls all the times she’s told him about her various boyfriends, and knows she’s not going to let this go easily. 

“But you want him to be.” His silence is all the answer she needs. “Alright, so what’s the situation? Does he even know you’re gay?” 

Nik shakes his head. It’s bizarre to hear her talk about it so casually. He’s never told anyone before. And if Eva, who grew up in a country where it’s socially and politically unacceptable, is so accepting, then maybe Elias would be too. 

“You’re an idiot. You’ve got to make a move. Hey, are you leaving?” Eva asks, distracted by the luggage piled in the living room. 

“I have a flight in a couple hours.” Eva looks crestfallen, but Nik’s mind is made up. 

“I’ve been here long enough. I think it would be better to train with one of my teammates, anyway.” And there’s someone he wants to see. 

“Where are you going?” Eva asks suspiciously. She could probably guess.

“Sweden.” 

***

The flight time from Moscow to Sundsvall is only a few hours, but it feels like an eternity. Between the anxiety of showing up on Elias’ doorstep unannounced and the ordeal of the past 24 hours, Nik’s brain won’t shut off. He spends the flight lost in thought, hardly watching the movie playing on his laptop. 

In the Moscow airport waiting for his flight, it occurred to him that he didn’t actually know Elias’ address. He hesitated over the call button on Elias’ contact. Elias would ask _why_ , and he’s not ready to explain. Instead, he texted Brock. 

_Nik: Do you have Elias’ address?_

Luckily, Brock is practically glued to his phone, even at the lake in Minnesota. 

_Brock: In Sweden?_

_Nik: Yeah_

_Brock: Lemme check  
Brock: You could just ask him_

_Nik: I want to surprise him_

Brock doesn’t say anything else for a while, and then Nik receives an address and a cryptic message.

_Brock: Don’t break his heart_

***

In Sundsvall, Nik rents a car and piles all his gear and luggage into it. Google Maps is extremely unhelpful on the way to Ånge, and he gets an accidental scenic tour of the area between Sundsvall and Ånge. He still makes it to the little town in decent time, getting steadily more nervous as the kilometres pass. He parks on a quiet street and double checks the address before getting out of the car.

It takes Nik a minute to work up the courage to ring the doorbell. Elias is going to think he’s lost his mind, showing up uninvited with plans to train together for the rest of the summer. 

Elias’ mom, Irene, answers the door, and Nik wonders again if this was a mistake. He could’ve gone to Vancouver, maybe that would’ve been smarter. Too late now. At least he’s met Irene before, when Elias’ family visited him in Vancouver. 

Irene looks at him with a slight frown, struggling to place him in this unlikely context.

“Hi. Umm, is Elias here?” he asks awkwardly. 

“Oh, Nik! Sorry, I didn’t recognize you at first. Come on in.” She steps aside and ushers him into the foyer with a warm smile. “Elias didn’t tell me you were coming.”

“He doesn’t know. Sorry for showing up like this, it was a last-minute decision.” His second possibly idiotic impulsive decision in as many hours.

“Don’t apologize, you’re welcome anytime. We’re all happy to see you,” she smiles. “Elias just got home from the rink; I think he’s still in the shower. Do you want something to drink? Water? Lemonade?” 

Nik follows her into the kitchen, admiring the photos of Elias and his brother as kids that line the hallway. “Lemonade please.” 

“So, why the sudden urge to visit? I was surprised he didn’t invite you sooner.” 

“Thanks.” Nik accepts the lemonade and takes a sip to buy time. Why didn’t he come up with an explanation on the plane?

“I’d had enough of Moscow, and I thought my training might go better with Elias. He’s very, um, motivational.” It is true that Elias will push him to be better in a way that his friends in Russia can’t. Elias is relentless and pushes everyone around him to improve, even if he can sometimes be a little… mean.

Irene’s smile turns mischievous. “He has high expectations.” 

A door bangs upstairs, followed by footsteps thumping down the stairs. Irene yells something in Swedish down the hallway. Elias responds, and the sound of his voice sends tingles down Nik’s spine. Talking on the phone isn’t the same – he’s missed the sound of Elias’ voice. Irene says something else, and then Elias appears in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Nik!” Elias’ whole face lights up with a smile. “What are you doing here?” He pulls Nik into a bone-crushing hug that nearly sends lemonade flying across the kitchen. Irene rescues the glass from Nik’s wavering hand and sets it on the counter. 

“Go catch up somewhere else so I can cook dinner,” Irene orders fondly. 

Elias pours himself a glass of lemonade and leads Nik out to the deck, both of them still grinning. 

“I probably should have called,” Nik apologizes, although Elias doesn’t seem to mind.

“Don’t apologize, I’m glad you came. And you have perfect timing – Emil finally got his own place, so you can take his room. How long can you stay?” Nik takes note of the way Elias phrased the question, like he’s hoping Nik can stay a long time. 

“As long as you want me to.” 

Elias gives him a puzzled look. “I thought you wanted to spend the whole summer in Russia? See your family, since it’s hard to during the season.” 

It wouldn’t be hard to make something up. Elias might not fully believe him – he’s too smart – but he’d let it go. But. Nik remembers the text from Eva that was waiting on his phone when he landed in Sundsvall: _Be brave <3_.

“My parents hate me. They never want to see me again.” He meant to say it casually, like it didn’t bother him, but even he can hear the sadness in his voice.

Elias sets his glass down on the railing and rests a hand on Nik’s arm. “What happened?”

Nik hesitates. He feels like he’s blindfolded, standing on a precipice, and if he takes a step he could fall off or he could land firmly on safe ground. He decides to take that risk. 

“I told them I’m gay.” He doesn’t look at Elias, afraid to see his reaction. He jolts in surprise when Elias hugs him again, holding him close for a long time. Nik wants to stay like this forever, pressed against Elias. He can breathe easier knowing that Elias doesn’t care. 

Eventually Elias steps back to talk. “Is it wrong that I want to fly to Moscow and throw a couple dozen hockey pucks at your parents?” 

Nik laughs. “No need to fly anywhere, Eva would probably do it if you asked.” 

Elias turns serious. “I’m so sorry Nik. I wish it was something I could fix for you.” He sucks his lips in like he does when he’s trying to decipher a particularly difficult media question, and Nik senses that he has more to say. “When I came out to my family, they tried their best to be supportive, but things were kind of weird for a while.” 

Nik is stunned. There are fireworks going off in his head. He wants to jump for joy and kiss Elias and – mostly he just wants to kiss Elias. He’s wanted to since Elias first showed up at training camp, surrounded by expectations and confidence.

“You… I…” Nik stammers. He struggles for the words to tell Elias how much he loves him. Elias beats him to it. 

“I’m in love with you,” Elias says shakily. “And if you don’t feel the same, we can still be friends, but I thought you should know.” 

“I flew out here on a whim because after what happened with my parents, you were the only person I wanted to talk to. I was miserable in Moscow and couldn't focus on my summer training because I was busy missing you. _Of course_ I love you.” 

Nik cups Elias’ cheek with his hand and pulls him in for a slow, tender kiss. Elias’ lips melt like taffy against his and he tastes like lemonade. 

“Come set the table!” Irene calls from inside. Nik takes a hasty step backward, but Irene is nowhere to be seen.

“Don’t worry, she assumed you were my boyfriend when you showed up,” Elias laughs.

“I hope you didn’t correct her, or else she’s going to be very confused by your sudden change of heart.” He takes Elias’ hand and tugs him towards the door as Irene shouts again, this time in Swedish. Elias blushes and yells something back. 

Nik gives him a questioning look. “She says I can kiss you after we set the table,” Elias explains sheepishly.

“Hurry up then!” Nik pulls Elias into the house, both of them grinning. “How fast do you think we can set this table?” 

They stop just inside the door to kiss again, long enough to earn another exasperated shout from the kitchen.


End file.
